Always
by Ishasuki Mitochi
Summary: Time changes everything, and truth changes more.
1. Unwanted

**Hey guys. This is a somewhat unorthodox pairing, and totally non-canon, but I really love it, and I think I can write it believably, so please don't run away screaming, okay? I, of course, do not own Bleach or any characters therein.

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_She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes_

"Kusajishi-fukutaichou." I stood in the doorway, watching her twirl around and throw her arms up in the air, chattering animatedly about some silly, childish plan to establish an annual candy day. The eight division vice-captain looked as though she had the headache of a lifetime, but the fifth division lieutenant was practically jumping out of her seat with excitement. The rest of the women wore expressions ranging between the fatigue and frustration of the "Vice President" who was responsible for controlling the pink-haired child and the ecstatic enthusiasm of the only person who could match said child's silliness.

She turned toward me and smiled. "Byakushi~!" She chirped, hopping toward me.

It was the smile that did it. So excited, so thrilled and so silly.

It was not my smile.

I left.


	2. Casual Lies

**The lines in italics are from Always A Woman To Me by Billy Joel. I do not own them or bleach.  
**

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_She can ruin your faith with her casual lies_

We sat in my office, letting the lower officers and recruits believe she was here because I was the only one with the patience to tolerate her for long. I had never told them that, but I didn't have too. They assumed. That was something I'd learned from her. To deceive effortlessly by allowing others to make excuses _for_ you.

"Why did you not come yesterday?" I asked, feigning nonchalance. I had waited, working much later into the night than I usually did, but she never came. Now she lounged on my desk, a strange lift to her lips and a gleam in her eyes, as though she'd been there just as always.

"I was playing with Gin. I almost had him convinced that Rangiku was seeing someone, but he shook it off. He always does." She laughed with an amused smile. "It was hilarious watching him. I hid in the vents and watched my plan take effect. Planting the stories was so easy it was almost boring but watching him hear the rumors- _priceless._"

I knew for a fact she'd been with Ise Nanao the whole time._  
_

Why should she lie about that?


	3. What She Reveals

**This one is a little more in-depth than the first two. Like it, don't like it? Drop me a line and let me know.

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_And she only reveals what she wants you to see  
_

What most people didn't know about Kusajishi Yachiru, was that she was in fact, almost my age. Despite looking about eight, she was in her early twenties. She'd been pretending, for her own safety, to be the baby she looked to be for some time when Kenpatchi found and "adopted" her. Now that I know her better, I have to say it's more likely _she_ adopted _him_. He was valuable to her, at first only because her was interesting. Heartless as he seemed to be when fighting, he had the compassion to take her along when he left the scene of the awful battle. Being a latecomer, he never knew the battle had originally started over the "demon child" some of the villagers had discovered that she could speak as well as any teenager and glowed with pink reiatsu when angered. Some superstitious people had wanted to kill her, and others insisted she could be an asset to their community. The old woman who'd housed her for the past several months, since finding her alone in the woods, believed she was an angel, (or some kind of higher being, at any rate) and her four sons and their families sided with her. The battle had drawn many blood-thirsty, fight-craving warriors like Kenpatchi, who did know why they were fighting and weren't on anyone's side, like moths to a flame. Kenpatchi had been different, though, because he had survived. And because he cared enough about a pink haired "toddler" to rescue her from the gory aftermath on the battlefield.

She'd never told me in so many words, but I knew she loved him. Loved him for protecting and helping her, but even more so, for needing her. When a person is alone, they are unable to be happy. Kenpatchi _needed_ her, if only so that he would not be alone anymore, and for that she loves him.

For all that, he still doesn't know the truth, that she's much older than she appears, and that the character she plays is not her. When I first began to suspect, I thought I had discovered this truth about Yachiru, but I know her well enough now to know I'd never have been able to figure it out if she hadn't wanted me to. I like to think that she, like Kenpatchi, was alone, and the reason she wanted me to know was because she _needed_ me the same way, because she lacked a companion. I may never be sure.

Much of the time I spend with her is devoted to my constant endeveour to know her, to really _know_ her, as I know myself, as I knew Hisana, as I know Renji and Rukia. _Why,_ I have asked myself so many times, _is she such an enigma to me? So hard to understand? _But all the blame does not sit with me. I am an observant man, not lacking in intelligence. _She_ is the reason I don't understand. She does this on purpose, I think. She is hiding.


	4. Childish

**Just to make this clear, these little drabble chapters _are_ connected. Togther they form the story Always, told from Byakuya's perspective and mostly Yachiru-centric. So far this is pre-soul society arc in the story, but not long before it. By the end of the story, it'll at least be in the current arc.

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_She hides like a child, but she's always a woman to me_

"Lookin' fer someone?" Kenpatchi asked with a grin.

"No." I replied, scanning the unkempt Eleventh division courtyard for her.

"She's playing hide and seek with ya. I'dunno what she took from ya, but you'd be better off gettin' a new one than spendin' hours- maybe days, dependin' on her determination -searchin'. Just give up."

I didn't answer aloud, but perhaps he read the unspoken _Never_ in my eyes, because he left alone after that.

One thing I've learned about Yachiru over the years is that she has a habit of hiding. For most of her life she's been hiding her real age, for one thing. Her true personalit- well, _I_ believe originally she hid that only because she feared it would reveal her true age. But it's almost... _grown_ somehow, maybe to an unhealthy level. I already _know_ her true age, and yet she continues to hide from me her real personality. She reveals bits and pieces of course, but for the most part she keeps everything hidden. And of course, as today, some days she feels the need to hide... physically. Kenpatchi was wrong in his assumption, she hasn't taken anything from me but herself. I could wait for her to come back out on her own, but I worry for her. This _hiding_ has gone far enough. It's like some kind of compulsion, or something. Everyone else dismisses it as a childish game, but Yachiru is not a child, she's a woman. If I don't look for her, who will?

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I found her eight hours later, huddled in the cold, dank basement of the tenth division. No one asked questions when I carried her out, and word must have gotten out, because Unohana and kenpatchi arrived at my office less than five minutes after we did.

The next time she disapeared, Kenpatchi helped me search.


	5. Take or Leave

**This is a short interlude-type reflective drabble of Byakuya's thoughts set after the last chapter and before the next one. It's not quite the same as the others because nothing happens. But I liked it, so I'm posting it. I'm the Authoress, so I can do that**. **^^

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_She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you_

After Hisana died, I thought I would never love again. I left Love and traveled elsewhere. To Pain, Duty, Sacrifice, and even Loneliness, though I'd probably never admit it to anyone but her. With her witty charm, her mischievous smile, and even her cynicism, she took my hand and started tugging. I didn't pay much attention to where we were going, I was too focused on my traveling companion to give much thought to destination. Before I knew it, I'd reached a place I knew of old. It had changed while I was away. I found that Love was different with Yachiru.

But it was still Love.

The problem, now, was that the moment I discovered where I was, she ran off. I think she didn't know where we were going either. But if she ever wants to come back, I'll be here.


	6. Trust

_She can ask for the truth, but she'll never believe_

"Byakuya." She said suddenly, sitting up. She'd been reclining on the window seat of my office, staring at the sky in silence for over an hour. I had concentrated on paperwork so far, as she didn't seem to be in the mood to talk, but I welcomed this interruption. "Yes, Kusajishi?" I had long ago decided to keep a polite distance between us. Yachiru needed respect from _someone_, and she didn't get it. I guess I'm making up for that, even though it sometimes saddens me to feel so separated. But she uses my given name, and it sounds better from her lips than anyone else's.

"Why do you always search when I- when I'm not here?" Her face added a certain urgency to the question, a sense that she needed to know, _now._ But I also noticed she kept herself from admitting she was hiding, even though she knew I knew. Denial? Maybe. Or maybe she felt insecure without her pretenses?

I did not meet her eyes. Instead, I carefully signed another form. "You should ask a different question." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her frown. She tilted her chin up defiantly, and shutters of pride closed over her momentarily window-like eyes, hiding the glimpse I'd had of how much she wanted the answer.

"Why do you act upset when I don't come to talk to you?" She asked, this time tauntingly. Her high, childlike voice was sharp and piercing. "You miss _looking at me?_"

Now I looked up, and answered this passionately vindictive accusation with the none of it's own, only the force of truth. "Kusajishi-fukutaichou," I told her, "I am not a pedophile." I paused. "If I stare, it is only because you continually surprise me. Forgive me if I look at you, but, (I believe I've said this before) _you are the most interesting thing in the room._"

It was true. I loved her- so much -but not physically. I was not attracted to the body of a child this vivid young woman was unfortunately confined to. She was pretty, but only in the way a lovely rose was- no attraction. Her personality, of course, was an entirely different thing, but her personality was a woman, and there was nothing wrong with that.

"Then _why?_" She hissed, snakelike. _"Why do you care_?" Then she reigned in her anger. "Byakuya," She warned, "I want the truth."

I paused and carefully chose my words. "Kusajishi." I made an effort to sound humble. "Please chose another subject. I would really rather not talk about this just now." To most people, I would have simply said _chose another, the matter is closed, do not ask that._ But I never gave orders to or asserted authority over Yachiru. Was I trying to make up for everyone else? In a way. But if we left her unfortunate situation out of the matter, and forgot about our rank difference, and age (I am almost a year older than she) and met as equals, I think I would yet defer to her. She is always one step ahead of me, and often a step to the side as well, viewing everything from a different angle. She's a brilliant tactician when she choses to apply herself, and the best liar I've ever known.

She looked me straight in the eye. "I will have my way in this." She calmly informed me. "I must know, and_ then _we will speak of something else." She was not offering a compromise, she was stating a fact and giving me a consolation prize.

I sighed, exhaling frustration and worry until I was empty but for the simple, true, and only answer I could give to her. "I love you." I whispered.

I glanced up sharply when I heard a high, cold laugh, crystalline and ringing with spite. She glittered with false mirth, contemptuously mocking my admission.

She laughed for the rest of the night, at times so hysterically I thought she was crying.

She might as well have been.

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**Well, there you have it. Please leave me a review- I put a peice of my _soul_ in the chapter, seriously. I need the encoragement. I cried writing this.**


	7. Free

_And she'll take what you give her as long it's free,  
_

I admit it, I felt betrayed. I don't want to say, _(admit)_ that it _wasn't fair_, but what else could I say?

Before she came to me, she was alone. Without me, she was only hiding, pretending, potential with no opportunity to be fulfilled. She was stationary, with no way of making progress. But with me, she revealed her true self, a self she was only now realizing she had, she was making progress, growing, learning, and, perhaps most importantly- no longer alone.

I had never asked for anything in return.

_Fool,_ I tell myself a second time, _this isn't a trade. It should be_, a part of me stubbornly insists. In the back of my mind, half suppressed, mostly ignored, I hear a mantra, quiet, but constant, and I have an instinctual and subconscious loathing for it. _(You never asked, but she gave. Without her, you only mourned and worked and worked, feeling little, and all of it sadness.) "No!" _I feel like yelling.

"...Sir?!"

I look up with venom at my vice-captain.

He looks down and pretends neither of us said anything, but I have a feeling he'll be spreading a rumor that I'm losing my mind tonight. _(He won't tell. His loyalty is sure.) _She _would, _my mind reminds me. _She would spread the rumor just for fun. _But she's not here. _And she might never be again_. Mentally, I shriek for silence. She will come back. I know it. She's hidden before, and she always comes back. _Always._

...But what if she doesn't? Is it such a horrible thing, that I love her?Is it so- so- ridiculous? She laughed, before. _(She was scared.) _What's so strange about it? _(Why was it so frightening to her?)_ If she can't love me _(of course not)_ can't she at least pretend I never said it? Is that so hard?

After all I've given her, you'd think she'd be willing at least to forget a single sentence for me.

But she never pays for anything, because she only takes what's free.

And I was.

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**Hey guys, thanks to all of you for your support~! I apologize for the wait. This chapter was a little harder to write than the others, partially because I couldn't get the emotion to come out right. He's angry, frustated, and lonely, _(bitter, hurt, regected, lost). _I used the italics and perenthesis to express supressed feelings or underlying truth- was that evident, or did it confuse you, as a reader? It was well-recieved in my Vampire knight oneshot, _Similitude_, but I don't know if it came off the same way here. Drop me a line, guys, let me know! ^^  
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	8. Thief

_Yeah, She steals like a thief, but she's always a woman to me_

"Sir?" Renji repeated.

_"What?"_ I asked, annoyed.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked, placing both hands on my desk and leaning down to look me in the eye. "You never talk like that! And you've been staring at that same piece of paper for an hour!"

_Really? An hour?_ I glanced at the clock. More like fifty-six minutes. I had estimated five. "Then I'd best return to me work. You are dismissed, Abarai-fukutaichou." I looked back at the form that had apparently had my attention for some time now, but I didn't recognize it.

Renji slammed his hands on the desk. "Like heck I'm dismissed! I want to know what's going on! You haven't spoken to Rukia in three days, and you haven't lectured me once or even randomly dismissed me for no reason at nine o'clock every other day, or had tea at four! I know _something's_ wrong! _What is it?!_"

I stared up at him, bewildered and humbled. I sighed. "She stole from me."

Renji frowned."Sir?"

"Just like a thief." I continued, feeling strangely philosophic. "She took something from me without consent and she won't give it back. Worse, she won't admit she has it."

Renji examined me carefully. "May I be excused, Sir?"

"As you wish." Let him leave. I felt dizzy.

I rested my head in my hands and my vision fogged somewhat. I wondered vaguely if I was ill, but the thought floated by like a cloud on a breezy day. I'm not sure how long I stayed that way, dimly noting thoughts and ideas as they passed through my head unhindered by consideration, but the next thing I knew there was a soft knock on the door to my office. I tried to say, "Enter" but the word wouldn't come. The knock came again, then a whispered conference. My trained senses allowed me to hear it, but I felt as though they were speaking in riddles. It took what seemed like a long time just to realize the speakers were Renji and Unohana.

_"It's not like to not answer, but he's been acting so strangely lately I don't know... Maybe he left the office."_

_"No, I can sense his reiatsu. If he's not in the office, he's at least very close. How certain are you that there's really something wrong with him?"_

_"If you heard him a few minutes ago, you wouldn't doubt it."_

_"I wish you would tell me what exactly he said."_

_"I'm sorry Captain, it was of a personal nature."  
_

She turned the doorknob slowly and quietly, I noted, then gave a little gasp and was next to me in an instant. I was slumped over the desk, eyes closed, head on my arms. I felt her hand on my back and sensed her leaning over me. I wanted to tell her to go away, that I was fine, but my tongue betrayed me, and I was silent.

_"He has a high fever. We'll need to take him to the fourth division."_

_"This is going to be bad for division morale..."_

_"True, but what can we do about that? He needs medical attention."_

_"How badly?"_

_"Badly enough."_

_"As temporary commander of this division, I can't let you do that unless he's in critical condition. His personal quarters in the Kuchiki Compound are closer than the fourth, anyway."_

_"Fine."_

I felt a hand on my forehead, then nothing.

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**Heheheh, sorry guys. I know this chapter took Waaaay to long, especially considering how short my chapters are. I've been having a lot of trouble with the direction of the story. I'll most likely re-write and replace this chapter soon, but I thought I probably owed it to you guys to at least post another chapter. So please, review, and give me some advice. I need all the help I can get!**


	9. Carefree

_Oh, she takes care of herself_

"Ken-chaaaaaaaan." I whined. "How come I can't go see Captain Pretty?"

Kenpatchi frowned at me. "'Cause he ain't there, 'Chiru. Didn'tya hear me tell ya b'fore? He wen' on _vacation_, the pansy. He won' be back fer at least a month." I giggled, outwardly carefree while inwardly I told him _of course_ I heard, I'm just making you think I wasn't listening, making you underestimate me again, reminding you of your image of me, while I carefully test whether you'll change your phrasing. But you didn't. That tells me you didn't actually speak to him about this, that someone else told you, and without any other commentary to repeat. That tells me this was an _announcement. _

I tilt my head at the cute angle I practiced in the mirror all those years. "Does that mean Doodles gets to be captain while he's gone?"

"Nah, he just gets ta do Kuchiki-hime's paperwork without the title or the pay." Kenpatchi chuckled, and I remembered why I liked the man. It made me happy to see him happy.

"Oh." I pouted, adorable. "How come he didn't tell me he was gonna go? That's not nice. Your a-post ta tell people afore ya go away."

Kenpatchi patted my head affectionately. No doubt he was thinking that if he were the sixth division captain, _he_ wouldn't have chanced my following him to wherever it was he was going. I wouldn't have followed him, of course. That would make him think I needed him. I don't. Need him, that is.

Not to say I don't _like_ him, that I don't enjoy his company. But I wouldn't want to send Byakuya the wrong message.

"Come on, Yachiru, ya gotta go play school games with Yumichicka. Ya don' wanna go up illiterate an hafta learn it all when Yammamoto starts up a fuss about'ya doin' yer own paperwork."

"Okay." I said. "If I'm good, can I have candy later? Pleeeaaase?" I continued my well-practiced act as easily as breathing, not really thinking about what I was doing. My mind was elsewhere.

**Well, if anyone is still reading this after such a crazy wait, hi, and you have anonymous reviewer "Liz" to thank for this chapter, which I might not have bothered posting if she hadn't expressed her disappointment that I probably wasn't planning to Update again.**

**Please review and tell me what you think of this change of pace, reading from Yachiru's perspective. **

**Give me a reason to write.  
**


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